Hello and welcome.
I don’t know why you’re here, but I’m both glad and scared that you are. I’m not sure how to begin explaining what all this is, so I might as well just jump right in.
I’m writing letters to my younger self because she went through things that still affect me today.
Things that started small and then became bigger over the years until they were crushing and debilitating. I’ve learned how to manage some of them, but my life today is full of ups and downs. And when I’m down, I forget the ups and all that I’ve learned. I become once again my younger self grasping onto whatever will make things a little better without knowing or caring about the consequences.
I started writing letters to myself just for me, but then I thought other people might want to read them, too. Something that has persisted through the ups and downs is a hollow sense of aloneness that descends in both obvious moments of isolation as well as when I am surrounded by others. I think it’s because I was never there for myself, and so no matter how many people are around, it sometimes doesn’t feel like anyone is really there at all.
I’m writing this to learn how to become the person I needed when I was younger.
Someone who could have grounded me, given me some perspective, some advice. Or just someone who was there and liked me, all of me, just as I was.
As I figure that out, maybe you will find something that helps you with whatever you are going through. But I will warn you: this is probably going to be messy and all over the place. It’s going to be everything in my head splat out in the open so I can make sense of it all. I plan to write with little revision so I can just get it all out there. I am doing this because I need it, but it might not be what you need. I am in no way a professional when it comes to what I’ll likely talk about. But I have lived it and can speak from that experience.
So, here goes nothing. Thank you for being here just as you are.
P.S. What would you tell your younger self?