Dear All of You,
So, it’s my (age 15) turn. If it wasn’t for the writing prompt, I wouldn’t even want to do this. Being hopeful and compassionate and frustrated is so tiring. I just want to do the bare minimum to exist.
I also think it’s a pretty stupid writing prompt, but it’s got me writing, so that makes up for it a bit.
What 3 magical and instantaneous wishes would you like? Why is it good that you can’t have them magically and instantaneously?
Wish #1: Always weigh Z pounds no matter what I ate.
Yes, the same wish as Twenty-Three (age 23) and Ana (age 25) if she had gotten around to answering the prompt when it was her turn.
Why I want this wish:
I also feel like no matter what I will always binge.
I also hate bingeing, restricting, and exercising all the time. It was so frustrating and tiring.
Why it’s GOOD I can’t magically and instantaneously have this wish:
At my age, I don’t think it’s good.
I’m so angry that it isn’t. That’s why purging seemed like magic when I first started. I could eat as much as I wanted and not gain weight. I became thinner than I ever had before. It was heaven while it lasted.
Wish #2: Leave my family and go far far away
Why I want this wish:
All I do is fight with my mom.
She either makes me feel horrible about myself or I feel like a horrible person for what I say to her. I often hide in my closet to cry and get away from her, but she often follows me there and yells at me to come out and shames me for being in there. I cannot get away from her no matter what I do.
My brother hates me and doesn’t even talk to me.
When he does, what he says makes me feel horrible about myself. He makes me feel like I am the most disgusting and unwanted person ever. He’s always getting mad at me for eating his food.
My dad always makes inappropriate jokes and “pokes fun” at my insecurities.
He is always extremely passive aggressive and collected, which makes me explode and feel like an emotional, crazy, and unreasonable person. He always finds something to disapprove of and I never feel good enough.
At school, I have no friends.
Everyone else seems so happy. All I do is study so I can get into boarding school and leave. I live in the suburbs and can only get around by car, so I feel like I’m suffocating.
I often have suicidal thoughts.
I still daydream about getting a letter from Hogwarts or my “real” family coming to rescue me from the one I have.
Wish #3: Be pretty and have friends and boys that like me
I was extremely introverted and only studied, but I still wanted that.
I pretended like those things only shallow and stupid girls pursued, but deep down, I wanted that, too. The girls in my classes who were both smart with good grades and pretty with lots of friends infuriated and made me depressed to no end.
So, judge away.
I’m just being honest, even though I feel like a disgusting and weak person for writing all that. The next writing prompt should be interesting.
Fifteen (age 15)