I stopped blogging the past few days because I just couldn’t do this anymore:
Being nice to myself, trying to be healthy, trying to think of anyone but myself while reading other people’s things.
Being ashamed of who and where I am hasn’t helped, either.
Over the past few days, I’ve binged twice and restricted an entire day twice.
I just didn’t want to face that by writing about it on here.
I went almost two entire weeks without bingeing, feeling so strong, and convinced maybe this time would be different. Facing the reality of a binge aftermath was just too much.
I’m also a basket case because tomorrow I’m officially signing away my life to the new fancy job offer. Maybe things will be better after that’s all done with.
I’m just so tired being me.
I don’t want to answer writing prompts or sing Kumbaya with all my younger selves. It all just seems pointless when I can just fall apart at any moment and binge.
I’m tired of putting things back together.
I’ve made progress, though.
I can see it when I step back and take a good hard look at things.
I can’t think of any concrete example, just a growing sense of self-worth.
OK, the end.
Please, write at least once a day even if it’s just “hi.”
Baby steps will get you back on track faster than wishing your way there.
Whoever this is