Future Visualization: Choices Over Time

Thank you guys so much for reading, you all seriously are amazing.

I’m sorry I still haven’t responded to anyone or read your posts. I’m pretty energy-drained and self-absorbed.  I’m writing so I don’t stop and never start again, rather than to actively participate in recovery and build a support network. I will be back soon once I get through this rough patch (and stop making excuses).

Onwards:

The bingeing continues. What fun.

I’ve arrived at the conclusion that I need to stop overthinking this (groundbreaking, I know).

I need to keep it simple. Just eat normally, be flexible, don’t try to control everything, and stick up for myself.

Incredibly simple, but excruciatingly difficult.

I can fake it on the outside, but I still need to do some work on the inside. If I’ve got my insides sorted out, then maybe I won’t have to fake it so much because it will be real. I think.

So, I’m bringing back the future visualization I did a while ago.

That was incredibly successful and greatly contributed to my 2 weeks of not bingeing. This time, I’m going to add in tomorrow, 1 week, 1 month, and 1 year to give it a greater effect (hopefully).

Future Visualization for Breaking Habits by Dear Cookie Monster

Where do you want to be…

Tomorrow?

  • Not bingeing
  • Catching up on sleep

In 1 week?

  • Recovered from not bingeing
  • Enjoying my last month in this city
  • Preparing for my move in a responsible way

In 1 month?

  • Not bingeing to cope with the stress of moving, making friends, and starting a new job
  • Exploring the new city and making friends rather than bingeing

In 1 year (age 26)?

  • Done with my work contract & moving on to the next thing
  • Active, social, and comfortable in my own skin

In 5 years (age 30)?

  • Done something with my writing
  • Active, social, comfortable in my own skin
  • Have friends and maybe a romantic relationship with someone who is respectful, adventurous, funny, and kind

In 10 years (age 35)?

  • Basically the same as above
  • Maybe married and thinking about kids

In 20 years (age 45)?

  • The same as above
  • Have a strong group of friends and family
  • Be genuine, confident, generous, and content

Now, here comes the fun part:

If nothing changes, where will you be…

Tomorrow?

  • Stuffed from bingeing, feeling hopeless, feeling trapped inside my body and my room
  • Watching movies all day to distract myself from everything
  • Hiding inside my room not even peeing until I absolutely have to so I don’t run into my roommates and hope they don’t even realize I’m home

In 1 week?

  • Gained more weight from bingeing: going outside and being social is even more impossible
  • Terrified about moving to the new city, not prepared at all

In 1 month?

  • I’ll be too ashamed to go out and meet people with my big body
  • Going to work and standing in front of a bunch of high school students all day will be excruciating – I’ll be picturing what they say about me to their friends (kids at that age are unforgiving)
  • I’ll just work and binge and sleep

In 1 year (age 26)?

  • All these stretch marks will be permanent
  • I will have made no friends or had any experiences

In 5 years (age 30)?

  • I won’t have any friends, let alone a romantic relationship
  • I’ll be working a job I hate living in a place I don’t like

In 10 years (age 35)?

  • I don’t even want to do this anymore: overweight, tired, hating myself, wishing I was dead, etc.

In 20 years (age 45)?

  • An empty shell of a woman who wakes up wishing the day was already over, counting down the days until she doesn’t exist anymore
  • No friends or family. Everyone else has their own lives and her parents are now deceased – the only people who cared about her.
  • She is utterly alone, without purpose, and unfulfilled

OK, I officially feel depressed now.

I’ll see tomorrow if that did anything.

Thank you again so much for reading this.

 

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2 thoughts on “Future Visualization: Choices Over Time

  1. mahbuttitches says:

    This is beautifully written. I think, though, in your visualization, look to see WHAT you are doing to cause these changes. What changes in you to gain friends, comfort, etc. write about those things and empower yourself in your letters. Stay gentle. Breathe as much as you can. It sounds so simple, but when you get the big breaths in, you see more clearly. It becomes easier. Stay small now. Change in minutes, not days. Not months. Not years. I am going to love myself now. Here. Present. Tomorrow is too big right now. Today is hard enough. ❤

    Like

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